Lord of evil swears eternal vengeance on all who compare him to Ted Cruz.

Speaking in the exclusive new Vice documentary, the prince of darkness broke his eons long silence to threaten extra eternal torment on all those comparing him to Ted Cruz, and to angrily deny widespread rumors (recently confirmed by his nomination of Carly Fiorina) that Cruz is in fact the Antichrist.

“You dare to wantonly invoke my name, you little worms, and compare the Dread Lord of the Abyss to a syphilitic weasel like Ted Cruz, when you all know perfectly well where you are going to end up?”


When asked who he did support in the American presidential campaign, Lucifer responded with blast of demonic laughter so satanic that it left two of the vice interns incurably insane.


Vice also documented the wahhabist Suicide bomber refugee crisis now overwhelming the gates of Hades. “It has really gotten out of control” Lucifer explained from the pulsating heart of absolute evil, “of course I support wahhabism, but we are running out of room. All these idiots looking for 72 virgins, and we don’t even have the space to properly torture them for all eternity.”


Speaking directly to DAESH he explained “Look I did so much for you, we were supposed to have a deal, so for once just read the Koran where it says not to murder other Muslims or commit suicide, and knock it off with the rape slavery and genocide, because we are getting overwhelmed down here. Your guys all deserve the most extreme eternal tortures, and demons don’t grow on trees.”

Lucifer also blamed Putin and the Kurds for the latest flood of eternally dammed wahhabist souls.


Stauffenberg was Right!

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